Chapter Three: The Same, Later That Day

“Well, I for one don’t like them.” I was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, watching Landen clean off the sweat and dirt that he’d accumulated while raking the leaves. Shoned was curled up in the doorway on the edge of the carpet. She doesn’t like the granite flooring that we had installed in the bathroom.

“Why not?” Landen asked. “They seemed nice enough.”

“They seemed freaked out.”

“Well, it’s not every day that see two guys making out.” Landen turned and looked at me, the water hitting his back and falling to the floor.

“One doesn’t need to look freaked out by the whole thing. It was just kissing. It wasn’t like I was giving you head on the front lawn.” Landen looked at me through the glass. “I bet it wouldn’t bother them if it was a guy and girl.”

“That’s cultural,” Landen said, applying shampoo. “Maybe they just aren’t use to gays. I’m sure once they moved in they’d get use to us. No one else in the neighborhood minds.”

“But I don’t think they ever minded. So it doesn’t count.”

“I’m never going to win this one, am I,” Landen said, rinsing his hair out.

“Nope.”

“Why do you really not like them?” Landen turned off the shower. I handed him his towel over the shower wall.

“That’s easy,” I replied. Landen looked at me through the creases of the towel. “They don’t like me.”


“You don’t know that.”

“I know they didn’t like two mos kissing,” I ran my hand through my hair. “And you saw that too, I don’t care what you say.”

“That’s no reason not to like them.”

“Plenty of reason in my book.”

“We don’t even know if they’re actually moving in, so let’s worry about that when, and if we get to it, okay?”

“Fine,” I replied. I paused. “I still say that we need a taller fence.”

“I don’t really think that a taller wired fence is going to do anything.”

“Maybe we should a white picket fence. A tall one. Then we really would have a little, cute house, on a little, cute street with a crucifix on the door.” I showed as much teeth as possible. Shoned rolled over on the carpet.

“We already have a little, cute house, on a little, cute street and a crucifix on the inside of the door.” Landen wrapped the towel around his waist and walked into the closet. “How would having an eight foot white picket fence change that?”

It was true. We lived on a little, cute street. We did have a cute house but I wouldn’t call it little. We had a crucifix on the inside of the door. We also had a mezuzah on the doorframe and statues of Shiva and Ganesha from when we were in India. We’re an equal religion household. If there were some Islamic iconology that we knew of, we’d probably have that too.

“If anything,” Landen continued, “I’d think that a huge fence in front of our yard would make the house less cute…or attractive…or whatever. Besides, I think Shoned likes having the wired fence so she can see outside of the yard and realize that it’s better to be protected with us. If there was a huge fence she’d be wondering what was outside the fence and try to escape all the time.”

“If I were a lawyer, and this were a trial…” I followed him into the closet.

“Let me guess, speculation?” Landen smiled. Shoned got up and walked to the door of the closet, looking at us.

“Exactly.” I smiled. Shoned yodeled. Landen laughed.

“I just think that we should be more open minded than them.” Landen looked frankly at me.

“You mean show them that we’re better than them?”

“Yes.” Landen paused. “I mean no.”

“Well now you’re just confusing me,” I added, still smiling.

“My point is, I just don’t think that you’re giving them a chance.” Landen put pants on, underwear first, of course, and walked into the bedroom again. I followed. “So they were a little put off by our public display, they’re just not used to it yet. If you saw them kissing in public I’m sure you would have been far more vocal than they were.”

“That is not true,” I protested.

Landen raised his eyebrows and looked at me. I paused.

“Ok, fine, you’re right, congratulations. Don’t pull out the rainbow boa and throw a whole gay ticker tape parade over it.”

Landen found a shirt from his drawer, the green and brown striped one I got him for his birthday, and pulled it over his head. “Well, Nancy seemed nice.”

“Don’t change the subject,” I retorted. “And yes, I’m sure that she makes a very nice trophy wife.”

“You think she’s a trophy wife?” Landen asked.

“Yes, don’t you?” I responded.

“I hadn’t thought about it,” Landen said. “To who? Like a doctor? Acupuncturist?” He got excited at the prospects.

“I was thinking more along the lines of some super butch uber-dyke who wears leather chaps, drives a hog and uses a whip as her main fashion accessory.”

“Lovely imaginary,” Landen commented.

“Imaginary is the spice of life.” I flailed my hands in the air. “I tell my kids that all the time.”

“Hopefully with as much flair as you just told me,” Landen said, laughing

“What do you mean?”

“You were just very…excited about it, is all.”

“Do you not like me excited?”

“I love you all the time.” He leaned forward and kissed me.

“You can’t say I love you to end a fight,” I pouted. “That’s cheating.”

“I didn’t realize we were fighting,” Landen responded.

“You know what I mean.”

Shoned yodeled.

“What do you want?” I asked.

She pawed the floor with her feet, and gently head butted my leg.

“I swear this dog has to pee more than my incontinent grandmother.” Landen said. “You were just outside for like three hours.”
She hopped up at the mention of outside and headed towards the bedroom door. We, reluctantly, followed after her.

“What time are we meeting Caroline and Miranda tonight?” Landen asked as we walked out of the room.

“We’re meeting Caroline and Miranda tonight?”

Landen looked at me, confused. “Yes. And Benjamin. And Connor. It’s the Youth Service Auction and Dinner at church tonight. And they’re meeting us there. Remember?”

“Absolutely,” I said. I paused and thought. “No clue what you’re talking about. That thing’s tonight?”

“Yes,” he replied. “It’s even on the calendar.”

“We have a calendar?”

He shot me a glance. I smiled showing more teeth than I thought possible. Landen shook his head.

“Oh, are we buying a house boy?” I asked.

“No,” Landen replied laughing. “Why do we need a house boy?”

“To…clean.” I said, more as a question than a statement.

“I want to find someone to watch Shoned. You know, while we’re at work or on a trip.” Shoned bounded back to us at the sound of her name.

I bent down and scratched her head. “We’re going on a trip? Oh my god, you’re taking me to Paris for Christmas?”

“What?” Landen asked. “Where’d you get that idea?”

“You said you were looking for someone to watch Shoned while we were on vacation. I just thought that we would be taking one.”

“Well, someday. But Paris…for Christmas?”

“We haven’t been to Paris for years,” I responded. “And you know how I love Paris, and that’s where we first consummated our relationship.”

“Consummated?”

“Had sex,” I explained.

“I know what consummated means, Bannon,” Landen began walking down the stairs, which was slightly more difficult than usual since Shoned had parked herself on the step and was staring at us, waiting.

“Than what was the problem? Why the question?”

“Don’t pet her when she’s on the stairs, or we’ll never get down. I questioned because we didn’t consummate our relationship in Paris,” Landen said, matter-of-factly.

“Yes, we totally did,” I replied. “In that hotel overlooking Notre Dame and the Latin Quarter.”

Landen shooed Shoned down the stairs and we continued towards the door. “You’re right,” I smiled. Landen ignored me and continued. “We did have sex in the Britannique Hotel.”

“See, I told you,” I said as I opened the door for Shoned. She quickly bounded outside, jumped down the porch and headed straight for the leaf pile.

“But that’s not where we consummated our relationship.” We sat down on the porch chairs. “When we went to Paris for Christmas we had only been dating for like a month, we decided that we weren’t going to have sex yet.”

“I’m familiar,” I replied.

“And remember, we stayed in that hostel in the 20th district. Where all the hookers were picking up tricks.”

“Ok, yeah, I remember that,” I said. “So if it wasn’t in Paris, where were we?”

“Inishmore.” Landen looked at me. “How could you forget?”

“I remember,” I responded. “I just thought we’d been together before that.”

“It was March and we left school on Friday and went to Galway. Saturday morning we took the ferry onto Inishmore. That night we were watching the sun set over the ocean, saw the seals playing, and then went back to the hotel.”

“And consummated our relationship,” I finished the sentence.

“Well, it was slightly more than just consummating our relationship.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “See, I remember the first time we made love, and I remember Inishmore, I just thought they were different.”

“Well, we’d been sleeping the same bed for a while,” Landen added. “Even on the first trip to Paris. So that might have confused you.”

“Yes, that must be what it was,” I said. There was a pause as we both watched Shoned bound her way around the yard. She picked up a stick and began shaking her head.

“Do you think that hurts her?” Landen finally asked.

“I wouldn’t imagine that she’d do it if it hurt,” I replied. I got up from my chair and sat on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. He put his hands on the small of my back and pulled me closer to him.

“What’s this for?”

“No reason,” I responded absently. I leaned forward and kissed him. “I love you. No other reason.”

“I love you too.” He averted his eyes to the street and released his right hand.

“What was that for?” I asked.

“Just waving to Barbara, Thomas and Nancy.”